Therapy and Christmas…?

Today is the first day I have blogged in daylight hours,
This morning I went for my monthly Therapy sessions. I have been having these sessions for a little over a year now, the hour session never last an hour. This time enables me to unlock the cupboard that I lock myself into. Its something I’ve had to do for many years now, even more so in the past two years since I was first diagnosed with primary Breast Cancer. In these sessions I feel very comfortable to openly talk about anything and everything in my life, its very therapeutic and I would really recommend it to anyone with any kind of struggle.

I have very recently learnt to put any/every aspect of my life into boxes.
Here are a few of those boxes or things I’m having to think about:
Getting ready for Lapland, Buy for Christmas, organise the children for hospital visits right before Christmas, sort children for my treatment for after Christmas, change oncologists, make sure I have enough drugs for over the Christmas period, buy gifts for the children for when I’m not here, organise my funeral. Just to name a few…
Try and rest, mental rest is needed more than the physical at the moment.

HOT FUSHES are driving me nuts as is the weight gain.

while I’m typing this I am listening to Adele, he new album: 25, its lovely.

Last night I was sat wrapping the presents, listening to the radio. The realisation that there is a big possibility that this could be my last. Yes I know I could have years, but I know my rapid decline since early September this year. I am being realistic with myself. I also keep forgetting I am only 5 weeks and 6 days post operative from a radical hysterectomy and taking a massive concoction of drugs.

when I am driving in the car on my own, I have the time to think. think about the things I don’t want to think about, don’t want to think about them because it breaks my heart even more than it already does if that is possible.

today the sun is shining and that I am thankful for, it means I can jump on my scooter and pick my trio up from school.
Be blessed and stop and smell the flowers.

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Breasts and Womb, or lack of them

You see, the bones of it is, I can no longer have anymore children, I have been robbed of that. I have been robbed of lots of things, but today I want to share my day, to-day.

As I have previously posted, the month of November for me isn’t a great one. To add another reason into the mix, November is also Mammogram month. Having the Mammogram performed really doesn’t bother me, lets face it in 2 years I’ve probably taken my top off more times than I’ve had hot dinners (well nearly). So today I had my annual mammogram, another test means another wait for a result. I asked to take a picture today of my mammogram, so here it is:
IMG_0652[1]there are two views of my left breast, on the left of the two pics is last years v’s this years

A lot of ladies have asked me if having one hurts, for me, its uncomfortable but nothing worse. When it was first discovered I had breast cancer, eventually I had 15 biopsies taken under mammogram, now that hurt.
I must remind myself that I’m only 3 weeks post having a radical hysterectomy (ovaries, tubes, womb and cervix taken) and driving on my own possibly wasn’t the best idea ever.
Anyway after chatting and a few tears to a lovely member of staff in the breast unit I went on my way.
Last week (without too much detail) I’ve been bleeding since my birthday party, well today I’ve been given 2 separate lots of antibiotics and need to rest, now that’s a joke in itself.

My positive for today is: Knowing that my children whilst at school are supported immensely while they are there.
To be able to park in a disabled space closer to the hospital doors, as my mobility isn’t great anymore.

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