Honestly… Life Is Crazy

Thanks for reading this, my latest Blog (16-08-2016)

I apologise for not writing for sometime. Firstly because I have not been well, physically or mentally. Lots has happened so I apologise if I jump about from one thing to another, ill try and keep it together.

Firstly id like to start with my recent hospital visit to Dr A. my recent brain scan showed no evidence of disease, The Mri scan on my spine showed cancer in/around my 8th vertebrate. Lastly the CT scan showed no further advance of the disease spreading. My Pericardial effusion is clear (the cancer cells in the cavity around my heart). The Bone treatment which I have injected every 4 weeks is working, its hardening/strengthening my bones and slowing the spread of the disease.
Before I went to see Dr A. I had decided that if she wanted me to have another cycle of Chemotherapy (which would have made it 6 cycles) I would refuse as it would be the summer holiday and I want to feel well. I had explained to her how much the chemo was effecting me. I struggled cognitively, I would go into a shop and not be able to think or remember what was needed. My brain was literally blank. I wasn’t able to cook a meal, putting the ingredients together was a real task, I didn’t know how to do the simple tasks of cooking a meal.
The Drugs that I am on make it harder for me to wake early in the morning, so the school run is a real challenge.
Anyway, back to Dr A. I had explained all this to her and she wanted me to stop the chemo and start on steroids, to help bring me back to ‘normal’ I think I was on these for 5 weeks.
After I had finished the steroids I was very sick for a couple of days, hot and cold. 3 days sofa/bed bound. A huge thanks to Nise for coming over to the rescue and sorting the children to friends for me whilst I recovered. Thank you so much Emma and Kirsty for having Skye and Blake. Thank you to Jan for helping me with the housework. Thanks to those of you who have brought a delicious meal round to us.

I really wasn’t well, I felt so cold but I was sweating so bad. I had shortness of breath, umoungst all of that I was having really dark thoughts. To end all this, to take all the drugs, it was all too much for me, the being weak and ill. The thoughts of having terminal cancer. The impact my death will have on the children. At that point I realised it would be them who would find me if I had gone through with ending my life. That was the point that I realised they need me to carry on fighting. Fighting the pain daily, taking the drugs, being absolutely shattered and the demands on my body that being a lone parent of 3 very lively children bring. Thankfully those thoughts come round very few and far between. My children really do ‘get me up and keep me going’.

So, currently I have cancer in: My Clavicle, lymph nodes in my chest, my heart, rib no.8 on the left side, my pelvis, nodules in my lungs and tumours in the tubes to my lungs. I think that’s it.

The days are getting better, I am feeling stronger, not just physically but mentally happier too. I am starting to get the feeling of wanting to get my sewing machine back out, to use it, to be creative, to feel ‘normal’. I am enjoying being able to do the housework, so is Skye, she has helped mop the floors.

On the up side. We had a photoshoot done very recently and I would love to share one of my favourite photos:

A massive thank you to James Anderson who took these pictures, we had a great time.

That’s it for now, thanks for reading
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