Living Two Lives

For me I’m living two lives. 12-06-2016

(I am truly sorry if I am repeating myself, this is where I am at)

Last Fri (09-06-16) I had bloods taken from me, my right arm is now allowed to be used for taking bloods only as it so far has shown no signs of having Lymphedema (fluid filling the whole arm as lymph nodes have been removed). After having my bloods taken to check my Cancer markers, Calcium levels, etc. I went and treated myself to a hair cut, to then be told my hair is thinning, due to the chemotherapy. Note: This is a rare side effect of this drug

Later that day I went for my 12 weekly CT scan. Thankfully I had already drunk 1ltr before getting to the unit, this brought my scan earlier, I just needed to drink another half a litre and then I could be scanned. Little did I know at this point that the A&E CT scanner had broken and wasn’t going to be fixed for a number of days. I was very lucky to be scanned as quickly as I was. It was bedlam, rhesus teams, RTA accidents, it was something out of casualty. All the staff were amazing and coped extraordinarily well considering the pressure they were under to get everyone through 2 CT scanners. Anyway, I was then canullated in the right arm (same place as earlier in the day). I was gowned and canullated and all ready to go. I layed down on the CT scanner bed head first, I was hooked up to a machine which pumped this contrast into me, the bed slid through this huge polo. I was injected with this contrast…. in all honesty it makes you feel warm and tingly all over and makes you feel like you’ve wet yourself. I then had to do this again as they wanted to scan my head. more of this contrast pumped into me.

All the while this was happening, I was missing the school celebrations of our Queens 90th birthday party. I really didn’t want to leave them, watching them play with their friends and having fun. I absolutely hate it when my two lives clash!
My hospital life interfering with my home life, it not only impacts my time with the children, they don’t like me leaving them to go to hospital. It has been our lives for nearly 3 years now.

I am Tired, I get tired quite quickly now. I’m not sure what makes me so shattered. The emotional side of everything or the concoction of the hundreds of tablets I take a week. I sure need a nap in the middle of the day, I feel like an old granny 🙂

The Children are great, they let me sleep in later at the weekend, I seem to spring to life around 3pm. which is absolutely ridiculous.

Tomorrow (13-06-16) is results day, results from my bloods and results from the CT scan. I know the results wouldn’t have been ‘written up’ but they will be on my file to be seen. I’m really hoping my pericardial effusion is ok (my heart problem) no fluid around my heart. That the nodules in my hillier (right and left) tumours (the branches that go to the lungs) have stopped growing, the nodules in my lungs are still that. my bones are still strong. Even though I have ground cavities into my teeth in which I now need fillings on Tuesday, the first fillings ever! I am now very prone to bones breaking. I have an injection every 4 weeks to strengthen my bones, as I now have no hormones rattling around inside of me anymore. It is the same treatment that ladies have that have osteoporosis.

The good thing is that I am not short of breath, which is a good sign that my heart hasn’t filled with fluid again.

This part is the horrid part. The Waiting. The What Next…… Am I responding? Do I carry on with the Chemo? so many questions and so many cant be answered.

I am getting used to this waiting game and it is my new ‘normal’ my life revolves around my gorgeous trio and the hospital. I am trying to get to see my friends more, when I can and when I have the energy.
We are eternally grateful for our meals we have a few days a week and our amazing helpers, without those id struggle even more.

Chow for now xx



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